Spider Woman

I am a goddamn spider vigilante.

Every night before bed I go out on our tiny little deck to check the plants. In the past week, this has become the stuff of nightmares. Every nook and cranny of the deck seems to be overtaken by small brown spiders dangling from their webs. They glisten in the moonlight. I appreciate the spider, I do. I like to see those little bugs captured in their webs.


I go out there with my broom and – whoosh! – down they all go.

I feel somewhat brave, but at the same time I torture myself with images of a thousand big brown spiders staging a revolt outside the sliding glass door tomorrow night.



6 responses to “Spider Woman

  1. If you think it’s bad now, just wait until fall. If Chicago is anything like NY, you’ll begin to understand why the spider is such a popular motif for Halloween.

    That said, there are many people who believe that it’s bad luck to kill a spider…not that I want to upset you or anything (wink wink).

  2. Eeew, seriously?! It’s going to get worse? Egads.

    I don’t actually kill them – they’re too hearty to be killed by my whooshing broom – I just hold them at bay until a night or two later when they have fully rebuilt.

  3. I can relate. You should see the outrageous insects–including many, many different kinds of spiders, both indoors 😦 and out–we have here in Northfield. I think we have so many at our house because we live on the very edge of town, surrounded by fields. The “animal life” is truly disturbing. You should see the size of the black crickets!

  4. Christopher Tassava

    The spiders will have their revenge when they lurk under the deck and watch you get driven to madness by all the flies, mosquitoes, gnats, and other assorted things they would have eaten. Then you’ll be sorry! You’ll be sorry!

    My appreciation for arachnids and insects stops at crickets and locusts, though: those things are just creepy and annoying.

  5. Okay, okay, I KNOW!! BUT, Christopher, if I don’t occasionally clear them out, I won’t even be able to go out there! As it is, I walk out the door into huge webs just to water the plants every couple of days – my plants will die because *I* will get trapped in the spider webs!

    And, besides, the webs they construct all over our CAR should catch enough insects every day!

  6. Her Bad Mother

    I am TERRIFIED of spiders. TERRIFIED. That genius little paragraph of yours, with all the glistening webs and moonlight? TERRIFYING.

    Still, I read it. Which tells you something about the power of good writing.

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