Teacher Had a Big Ole ‘But’

Things have been altogether too quiet on The Teacher front. Oh, you remember her, don’t you, from previous scenes such as “Totally Freaking Me Out“, “Totally Pissing Me Off“, and – a favorite of Wonderwheel readers everywhere – “Totally Forgetting Baxter’s Birthday Party“?

Yes, that one.

Well, I’ve got another good one for you today. Buckle your seat belts…

It’s pick-up time. The Teacher asks, “Which way are you guys walking?”

Confused, I point to the east where my car is parked.

“Okay, you boys run ahead,” she says to Baxter and his friend, Carpool Buddy, essentially sending them unsupervised into a big crowd that is heading towards a busy parking lot exit.

Then she begins very seriously with, “Most of the other kids…” No, she decides this is not how to start, so we pretend she didn’t say that. She starts again. “Baxter is a VERY sweet and good student… ” and at this point she grabs my arm – “now, don’t think there’s going to be a ‘but‘ here, because there isn’t! There’s no ‘but‘ in this sentence! I promise!”

Now I’m really confused. I was quite positive that I heard a ‘but’ coming and was very, very interested to hear what it would be this time. Because if there’s no ‘but’, what could possibly come next? “…and so I’ve nominated him for a very special award that only goes to the sweet and smart kids and I didn’t want him to know about it”? That was all I could come up with in the split second before she opened that truly amazing mouth of hers again.

So she goes on. And you won’t even believe what she said.

“He is a very sweet and good student…BUT…”

And then she says lightly, as if surprised, “Oh, well, I guess there was a ‘but’ in that sentence, after all!”

Oh. my. God.

What. a. nut.

(And, I’d just like to add for your continued amazement that the big ole “but” was because today when she asked him not to read during writing time – he was finished with his writing work – he cried, and she didn’t know why. And apparently he did this once before, but it was a long time ago. And so she wanted us to work “as a team” to get to the bottom of this. Which was not difficult because he immediately ‘fessed up to me that he was really embarrassed that he was called out for doing something he shouldn’t be doing and didn’t realize it wasn’t okay. Personally, I’d reserve that kind of admonishment for, I don’t know, breaking classroom crayons when bored, rather than reading a book at one’s literacy magnet school. Maybe that’s just me.)


15 responses to “Teacher Had a Big Ole ‘But’

  1. Lori at Spinning Yellow

    Once again, I am shocked! She is unbelievable! I am giggling about the “what.a.nut.” part, though.

    How dare he READ when he is finished with his work, that naughty kid!!

  2. Lori at Spinning Yellow

    And this title is hilarious! Definitely my kind of funny.

  3. Speechless. You’ve left me speechless. BUT, I do have one thing to say…(no, not really, I just wanted to get one big BUT in there.)

  4. I think she must be friends with Amalah’s kids’ OT. Good grief! Reading! Not scribbling on his desk, pinching his neighbor, talking, …. Of all the good choices he could have made for remaining quiet while others finished their work, reading would seem to be at the top of the list. Well unless you’re that teacher. What *was* he supposed to do? Just want to give your sweet guy a hug for having to deal with that nonsense!

  5. Emily, as some know me

    I think I had this teacher when I was a child. Reading during your “off time” was verboten, no matter how much you protested that you’d done every iota of stupid written work there was available to do in the classroom, including all 12 levels of SRA. Seriously. How old is this woman? Poor Baxter. I guess he’ll eventually figure out that some people remain irrational and confusing, even as you come to understand more about people.

  6. Sweet Fancy Moses. It’s women like that who give schoolteachers a bad reputation. What the hell is she thinking? Oh wait: clearly, she’s not. Christ. Poor Baxter.

  7. So let me get this straight … she sent him out to play in (near) traffic while she discussed his completely appropriate behavior and subsequent embarrassment for being unfairly admonished?


  8. Once again: Now totally dreading ever sending my sweet babies to school. Ever.

  9. Oh, you are all so funny, I just love you. I should say, though, for the record, that the boys were not actually put in danger – it’s just that they were heading in that direction and I was trying to watch for their safety – especially Lyle the Loose Cannon – which made it quite difficult to concentrate on what she was telling me – and VERY difficult to hold it together and not howl with laughter when she finally gave me the big ole ‘but’!!

  10. homeschooling is sounding very attractive……

  11. So, now I am singing to myself, “Teacher had a big ‘but’ – oh, yeah! Teacher had a big ole ‘but’ – oh yeah!” and I think I will be all day! I cannot BELIEVE this story. She is a nut. I mean, seriously. Reading when done with work???? Not at THIS literacy school, you don’t!!

  12. She is a BUTThead.

    Simple. Freaking psycho. God bless Baxter for being such a good sport in PUTTING UP with her b.s.


    Been there. Done that. Scratch that. DOING it.

    Warm hugs. Scratch that. Dry Martinis.

  13. And so it never occurred to her to JUST ASK BAXTER WHY HE WAS CRYING?


  14. she did try to find out why he was crying, to be fair, but he couldn’t talk about it yet. And I saw this yesterday in Lyle’s music class when Bax was treated like a special guest and the teacher was inviting him to do special things…if he didnt quite know what she meant he became panicky and almost cried. I think the emotion “embarrassed” has finally appeared!

  15. Pingback: The Wonderwheel » Blog Archive » Baxter’s First Lit Crit

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