Well, Wonderfriends, I’m not sure what to report now that I’ve returned home from Massachusetts.
My grandfather is not doing well. He’s recovering quite well spontaneously from his stroke, but this has become low on the list of medical priorities. It seems to be a case of one thing leading to another, in that certain conditions he didn’t even know he had (because they were mild when he was functioning well enough) have worsened in the past week secondary to his lack of mobility, dehydration, and weakness. He is fragile and yet fighting a whole host of physical ailments simultaneously. As soon as things improve in one area and he seems to be doing better, we become hopeful about his recovery. However, I am starting to see a clear pattern of one step forward, two steps back.
Although I am no longer the one dashing back and forth to the hospital, calling the nurses at all hours for my grandmother, or making the lists of questions for the doctor, I am riding this roller coaster via my mother, aunt, and cousin, who are now there and full of concern. There are daily ups and downs, but today I can’t help but feel that we’re on a downward trajectory in general.
I’m tired. Even though I truly loved all the time I had with my grandmother (and grandfather, when he was conscious and making sense) and the connections I was able to make with so many other relatives, it was intense and exhausting. There was no down time and little sleep to be had for those four days.
I came home early in the morning yesterday and spent the day with the boys rather than going in to work, because it was imperative that I reconnect with them after yet another long absence. At some point in the day, though, I had to ask myself when in the world I will get to reconnect with me, and unfortunately I do not see time for that in the coming days. In fact, Matt had to leave on another business trip tonight, which only intensifies things at home.
All this is to say that I am worn out, sad, and wondering what the outcome will be in Massachusetts. I am equally concerned for both of my grandparents right now. I wish I had a life that would have allowed me to stay there as long as I was needed, but I am needed here, too. And so I am chugging through these long days as well as I can, and getting as much sleep as possible to offset my exhaustion, but not having time or energy to write much. Neither am I out there in the blogosphere reading too much right now; I just don’t have it in me. Thanks for all of your very kind and thoughtful comments over the past week, they’ve really cheered me greatly. I appreciate your support.
I’ll be back soon. I promise.