Be Back Soon

Well, Wonderfriends, I’m not sure what to report now that I’ve returned home from Massachusetts.

My grandfather is not doing well.  He’s recovering quite well spontaneously from his stroke, but this has become low on the list of medical priorities.  It seems to be a case of one thing leading to another, in that certain conditions he didn’t even know he had (because they were mild when he was functioning well enough) have worsened in the past week secondary to his lack of mobility, dehydration, and weakness.  He is fragile and yet fighting a whole host of physical ailments simultaneously.  As soon as things improve in one area and he seems to be doing better, we become hopeful about his recovery.  However, I am starting to see a clear pattern of one step forward, two steps back.

Although I am no longer the one dashing back and forth to the hospital, calling the nurses at all hours for my grandmother, or making the lists of questions for the doctor, I am riding this roller coaster via my mother, aunt, and cousin, who are now there and full of concern.  There are daily ups and downs, but today I can’t help but feel that we’re on a downward trajectory in general.

I’m tired.  Even though I truly loved all the time I had with my grandmother (and grandfather, when he was conscious and making sense) and the connections I was able to make with so many other relatives, it was intense and exhausting.  There was no down time and little sleep to be had for those four days.

I came home early in the morning yesterday and spent the day with the boys rather than going in to work, because it was imperative that I reconnect with them after yet another long absence.  At some point in the day, though, I had to ask myself when in the world I will get to reconnect with me, and unfortunately I do not see time for that in the coming days.  In fact, Matt had to leave on another business trip tonight, which only intensifies things at home.

All this is to say that I am worn out, sad, and wondering what the outcome will be in Massachusetts.  I am equally concerned for both of my grandparents right now.  I wish I had a life that would have allowed me to stay there as long as I was needed, but I am needed here, too.  And so I am chugging through these long days as well as I can, and getting as much sleep as possible to offset my exhaustion, but not having time or energy to write much.  Neither am I out there in the blogosphere reading too much right now; I just don’t have it in me.  Thanks for all of your very kind and thoughtful comments over the past week, they’ve really cheered me greatly.  I appreciate your support.

I’ll be back soon.  I promise.

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12 responses to “Be Back Soon

  1. Take care of yourself. We’ll be thinking of you.

  2. Take care of yourself…and let us take care of you!

    By the way, I was walking home from the el the other day and came into the alley to the sound of you laughing!

    It made me so happy to know you were back home and having a laugh after your intense trip!!! 🙂

  3. Aw, please take care of yourself, too, in this time of worry.

  4. Just know that we are all thinking of you and sending warm, loving thoughts. You’re worth the wait…take a break and take care of yourself. And, totally what Becky said…let us take care of you in whatever ways we can. Even if it’s just by email. xoxo

  5. Sending you a cyberhug from south of the Loop. You and your family are in my thoughts. xoxo

  6. Jordan –

    My grandmother died this morning. I understand how you feel, but would like to add how envious I am that you went and that you got to be useful, because not only have I not been out to Oregon since Anya was a baby, but even the Mother’s Day flowers we sent were never seen, because she slipped into a coma hours before they arrived. Small and insignificant, I know, but I am mourning that final moment of connection between us. We are incredibly lucky, both of us, I believe, to belong to strong and loving families. Anya and I have been cuddling up all morning, reading stories and eating goldfish crackers. It has helped me feel so much better. Hope to see you on Sunday…

  7. Cathy – sorry to hear about your grandmother.

    Jordan – take care of yourself and get some rest. Sending hugs and good thoughts.

  8. You’re doing what you need to do. Sending you a huge cyber {{hug}}… I’ll be thinking about you.

  9. Thinking of you; praying for your family.
    Happy Mother’s Day.

  10. Jordan, I am so sorry to hear all the news about your grandfather. My grandmother died a couple of years ago, and I still remember very intensely all the time at the hospital beforehand, particularly driving my grandfather home that night she died, and all the things that have happened since then, and remembering, as you did a few posts back, just those moments that make you appreciate your grandparents even more for who they are. Because having only the one left, personally, I look forward to every moment, even the little small talk conversations about golf on the TV. I’ll be thinking of you guys.

  11. Sending hugs and wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day.

  12. I’m sorry to hear this. I’ll keep your family in my thoguhts.

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