Lyle’s Lists

Lyle is obsessed – obsessed, I tell you – with Christmas. He isn’t talking about anything else. In fact, I just overheard him say to Baxter, “Wait! I want to tell you one more thing! It’s about Christmas!” and Baxter groaned as he walked into the other room to take his shower, “Of course it’s about Christmas. That’s the only thing you talk about.”

He has written more letters to Santa than I could’ve imagined possible. He puts them into sealed envelopes, stamps them, writes “To Santa, North Pole” and then seems to lose track of them before they hit the mailbox. Some of them are longer than others, but none could be called “short”. One day we mentioned to him that he might seem a bit selfish to Santa, what with a THREE PAGE LIST and all, and so he folded it up, carefully wrote on the top, “To Santa, I am not selfish. From, Lyle” and sealed it in an envelope. “That oughta do it,” he declared.

One day, Baxter suggested to him that having such a long list would decrease the chance of him getting any of those things. At that suggestion, Lyle ran down the hall and busied himself for an hour, applying percentages to each item, showing the % chance he has of receiving them. I gave you People’s Exhibit #1:

Look closely. You won’t regret it.

(It’s true: he has a 0% chance of getting $1000 for Christmas. Glad he knows it.)

Today Lyle was on a school field trip. Somehow there was a part of the event where children who wrote a letter to Santa could have $1 donated to charity in their names. Of course, my boy wrote quite a letter. I give you People’s Exhibit #2:

I will help you out with a translation here (sic):

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I whould like: 1 plasma tv, 1 set of glow-in-the-dark googles, civil war battle set, bananas, grapes, any books you whould think i whould like, 2 fake heads, target gift card, 3-DS, Nentendo dS, rubex cube, flame thrower, 1 defiance toy car, empty diary (lines), analog clock (real), soda, 54 pencils (sharp), dart blaster, small notebook, time traveler, invention notebook, whoope coushon, and dart bullets, and peace to the world.

Merry Christmas! 

Signed, Lyle

I’m not entirely sure which part is my favorite, but I would argue that age 7 has got to be the very best age for true Christmas excitement.


4 responses to “Lyle’s Lists

  1. I think you should go with the 54 sharp pencils (unless he is somehow planning to weaponize them).

  2. Yes, we’re thinking that. Also the bananas and grapes seem doable. Flame thrower and 2 fake heads, though? Those will be tough to find on short notice.

  3. My favorite are the things he has 0% chance of getting. Are you sure you can’t splurge for a blood detector?

  4. O.M.G. That boy just makes me laugh so hard! I love it!

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